But Why?

The Phenomenon of the Two-Faced Man

I’ve always appreciated support. After all, we’re only human. We crave connection and community more than anything whether we’d like to admit it or not. As a budding content creator and someone who enjoys stepping out of my comfort zone, it makes a positive difference to have people in my corner cheering me on. Community truly is a beautiful thing, and I go out of my way to have positive rapports with my peers.

You could imagine my disdain upon hearing that someone who I thought was an ally turned out to be an enemy.

Whether it is through spreading a false rumor, bullying, or gossiping, it is a letdown when you find out that someone was fake towards you. Hearing that your name and life is a buzzing topic within obscure group chats isn’t at all pleasant. Having nothing but respect for people who actively seek ways to make the whole world turn on you, to be quite frank, sucks.

My problem, however, has little to do with “hate trains” and smear campaigns. The question is simple: if you don’t like me so much, why on earth are you going out of your way to interact with me and seek my approval? It’s very bizarre, no? I thought that we humans usually avoided people or things we didn’t like.

Because I don’t appreciate ingenuity from others, I am particularly irked when people cross me like this. The concept of attempting to disarm someone by feigning kindness is ghastly. When I complain about my laundry list of experiences to my family or friends, I usually get the same answer: “They’re just jealous of you” or “they’re miserable.” For me, these explanations make no sense. Although they make for a great ego boost, the idea of projecting your own feelings of insecurity or inferiority on someone else seems odd. Self-improvement content has created a goldmine out of telling people how revered and enviable they are.

“They have nothing going on for themselves.”

“They put you on a pedestal and resent you for it.”

Although that may be true, I’m still confused. Why invest so much energy into ruining someone’s image simply because of your own personal plights? Why not channel that energy into bettering yourself? And, why is this apparently common? I fear that after graduation, I’ll only encounter something similar in college and eventually the workforce. But, why?

I’ve learned the hard way to keep my guard up and build these tall walls around me given I’ve endured in the past. Over time, however, the walls I built grew too high to climb out of.

I became much more cynical, believing that no one could be trusted. I developed an aversion to meeting new people, interacting with people, and making new friends in fear of having the same cycle repeat itself. Even my personality changed from a Mediator to a Logician, becoming even less of a social butterfly than I was before.

Call it self-preservation or paranoia. Doesn’t matter. Unfortunately for us, we’ll all probably face this phenomenon at some point. It’s just how people are. Our goodwill and intentions get taken for granted. Our kindness and honesty gets taken advantage of. Our trust gets violated. Our hearts get broken. People will betray us, belittle us, and envy us.

And yet, I still have this optimism that amongst all the negativity, this isn’t the end-all be-all. Our hope gets restored through others’ acts of kindness towards us. Our hearts get put back together by our support systems. People love, appreciate, and care for us. The phenomenon of the two-faced man cannot beat the power of true community and friendship, no matter how cringy it sounds.

So, do not let the two-faced nature of others cause you to withdraw from your allies. Bullying fails when the perpetrators realize you are not alone.